Love the Lugbara way

Women & Men LOVE LORE October 12 - 18, 2006
Kidnapping a wife-to-be among the Lugbara
FLORA ADUK
As the silent whisper of trees swaying to the passing wind filled the air, they took cover along the forest path leading to the village well. They believed it was the easiest way to get their prized bride. The moment she crossed their view, they struck. The ambush may have seemed harsh but this was but a gesture of love and the genesis of a marriage.
The moment he took her to his house he was bound to marry her. The Lugbara found in West Nile (Northwestern Uganda) believed that when a woman slept with a man, there was no looking back. The couple had to get married because it was a bad omen to her brothers for her to return to her father's house. Some youth took advantage of this to kidnap women they wanted to marry. The Lugbara who are believed to have originated from Sudan, speak a central Sudaniclanguage similar to that of the Madi their cousins.
They are subsistence farmers, growing millet, cassava, maize, sorghum, legumes, and a variety of root crops and rear livestock chicken, goats, and, at higher elevations, cattle are also important.
Tobacco is the cash crop of their homeland.
The most popular type of marriage remained that arranged by parents because marriage, aje, was considered a family affair. This has continued in spite of modernity much to the dislike of the younger generation. Mary Letasi a 25-year-old social worker says that even when a couple is dating with out concrete prospects of marriage their families have a tendency to get very interested.
"They get too involved, friendly and try to know a lot about one’s family. I find this undesirable because they overcrowd the relationship," she says.
Nevertheless, in the past, family involvement was the surest way to have a respectable marriage. Winnie Alia, an older Lugbara, says it was the responsibility of the young man's father to identify a potential bride for his son.
"Family background played a central role in marriage. Families that had a reputation for being hard working, honest, respectable and did not have a history of witchcraft were much sought after," she says. Both families often investigated each other before proposing marriage. Families that knew each other from generations before took this opportunity to bond more through marriage. The possibility of being passed over because of bad behaviour acted as a check on youth, for they all longed to get worthy partners.
Children were taught how to work at a tender age. While boys were expected to dig, women weeded and did house work. Sex education however was not commonly given. Much as the aunties advised a girl on marriage, they were not open about sex related issues. Premarital sex was not accepted so girls had to remain virgins till marriage.
A girl would be sent away if she conceived or eloped because it was believed to bring bad luck to the rest of the girls. The eldest child was expected to get married first to bring good fortune to her other siblings.
Unfortunately, today's society does not offer an opportunity for investigation since couples simply introduce each other to their parents.
Tom Adiga reveals that much as choice of marriage partners does not depend on investigation, the same qualities are still present among the Lugbara. He says the women are hardworking, kind, faithful and loving, as are the men.
However the Lugbara are known to be possessive lovers. "Both men and women keep tabs on their lovers. I dated a man who called me often to find out where I was. He went as far as warning my male friends not to call or talk to me. His possessiveness finally drove me away," says Letasi.
MarriageWhen the man's family identified a potential bride, they first went informally to visit her parents and inform them of their intentions. If their interest was perceived positively they were requested to address their intentions formally.
This meant writing a letter to the bride's clansmen. It was to be accompanied with some money as a gesture of love.A reply was then sent back specifying the requirements for bride price.
Among the Lugbara there are many smaller groupings so the amount of bride price depends on the particular group. Generally it usually includes a minimum of 10 cows, 20 goats, clothes for the aunts, parents, among others depending on the family. Presently with the increase in literacy, families include an amount meant to compensate the school fees her parents spent as part of the brideprice, explains Alia.
The groom's entourage is also expected to pay an amount for their guests, transport costs and labour of those who cooked their meal on the day they come to negotiate the bride price.
On a chosen day the groom would visit the bride's home with his clans men. His uncles spear head the negotiation process while his father played a passive role.
"His clans men sit separately from those of the bride since negotiations are not direct. They have to be mediated by a go between until the families reach a consensus, then celebrations with local brews, Kpete and nguli and food would begin," says Alia.
Bride price among the Lugbara is very high so suitors are not expected to make full payment immediately. One can actually pay bride price for the rest of lives.
On a specific day, the man's family would then take this bride price to the bride's home and another feast would be held. During this feast, a cow was slaughtered by her people as a ritual Ali meant to signify the replacement of her presence.
After a few days the bride would make her journey to her husband's place accompanied by her aunt and a few friends. The purpose of this was to investigate the kind of home and reception they would be given at the husband's house. The aunt would stay for two days but the girls were allowed to stay for up to a week and help the bride prepare her first meal for her husband's family.
Among the Lugbara, polygamy was accepted because many wives and children were seen as a sign of wealth. Letasi says that to date polygamous ideologies still exist except among strong Christian families. Since divorce is not common, a woman tends to stay even if her husband takes another wife. The society has many proverbs relating to the relationship between co-wives.
In spite of evolving traditions, the Lugbara have tried to maintain a greater part of their marriage customs. Intermarriage is the greatest threat since cultural aspects of the tribe are diluted.