Of third parties in Relationships

Third parties.
Finally he is yours to love. Problem is he is not yours alone; there are many other parties involved in the ownership.
Let’s face it, it is hard to have your partner all to yourself just as you would want. There is always that other thing or those other people in his life.He may not be having an affair with another woman but something else consumes his attention and that just drives you mad. RelativesIt could be his family.These have known him all his life and by virtue of that expect to play a big part in his life. Africans believe one marries the family as well so you should get used to having them in the relationship. At worst, many of the family members can decide to move into your marital home all in the name of getting help, financial or otherwise. Before you know it, your home is flooded and your budget constrained.
But the real trouble starts when they make it their business to monitor your relationship. Notable is the mother-in-law who just cannot keep her rude remarks to herself and does not think highly of anything you do. You burn with fury at her every comment but play it cool so that you can remain in her good books.
When she is not spiting or provoking you, she is trying to convince your man that you are not good enough for him. (Very few daughters-in-law are good enough to their in-laws.)Instead of looking for your good attributes, she fishes for the weaknesses and uses them against you. A friend told me how she tried so hard to like her mother-in-law all in vain. “I treated her like royalty but no matter what I did, she just couldn’t stop belittling me and accusing me falsely of disrespecting her.
“Every time I tried to talk it over with my husband, he just brushed it off and took his mother’s side. She could never go wrong in his eyes,” she narrated. In the end, it becomes a battle for your man’s favour.There is also the misplaced responsibility your man feels often. At short notice, he abandons you or the plans you had made and runs to help a family member, like you are not family to him.
Somehow, he always seems to be doing this or that for his people, making it look like they are all he cares about.Nothing about you seems as important as whatever errand he is asked to do for them. It is worse if your man is the first-born or has more money than the rest of the family.Makes you wish he wasn’t well off to begin with.
BuddiesHow about his friends who are more or less his second family? Always close at hand and usually competing with you for his time, these friends don’t seem to realise that you need sometime with your man. They want to seize his every free moment to hang out and have fun. With the friends comes the bar. After work, he heads straight for a “couple of drinks” with the boys. Night after night, you wait up for him till late or lay alone in bed.His consideration to go out with you is seen as a weakness, and the mere thought of being regarded weak by his “boys” is unbearable for him.
Wanting to protect his ego, he floods you with countless excuses for not spending enough time with you. If you are lucky, he will take you along but you won’t miss the frowns on his friends’ faces.Another colleague said she would never forget the day one of her man’s friends called and asked her to give him some space. She was so bitter.
Female friends are another hurdle. They too want some of his attention and you are not sure whether it is only friendship they are after, what with constant calls and those witty text messages!Consumed with jealousy, you will be driven to checking his phone for the telltale signs of cheating.Even when you know they are just friends, the feeling of insecurity will remain.
His jobThis is another challenge. All he does is work and work endlessly. From dawn to dusk, he is at it, weekends inclusive. And don’t be surprised if he brings the work home.There are always deadlines to beat, clients to see and things to sort out. When he does come home finally, he is engulfed with exhaustion and all he wants to do is sleep. There is no time to talk or spend some quality time together.A mother of three revealed that she scarcely sees her husband yet they live in the same house.
“It is worse for the children because he always leaves before they wake up and comes back when they are asleep,” she told, adding that he rarely attends their school activities like sports days and parents’ days because he is too busy. Much as you try to understand the tight spot his work puts him in, you still need his attention.Unless something is done about it, marital strain and unhappiness are the likely outcome.Learn to set your priorities straight.Family, friends, job or whatever else should never be allowed to interfere with one’s relationship because at the end of the day, it is all about your feelings, not any other parties’.