Senga Diaries (joshi do lend a sister this one)

Since Mr.Magoo was having a senga moment,i decided to post you folks this article i did last year after one of those bridal shower senga escapades.However, for print purposes the saucy details had to be watered down.But if you want the juice at the bottom of the can,put money in thy purse and talk to me nicely.

Women & Men August 24 - 30, 2006


The silence in the room reminded me of a primary school lesson, except this time, it was shock at what the audience was hearing rather than fear of punishment that seemed to cause this effect. It was a bridal shower and 20 women listened attentively, as if their lives depended on it as the senga dished out her wisdom.

"Who said marriage is a bed of roses? It is a combination of bliss and problems but it is up to you to make your marriage a happy one. That is why even roses have thorns," she challenged. "Marriage is basically an institution that one has to work at making successful, she went on."

New trend
Thanks to the upcoming trend, the bride-to-be didn't have to be tucked away in some corner getting such marital tips from her senga the night before her wedding. The traditional setting of the senga-bride talks may be phasing out but the institution of Sengas is becoming popular in the form of commercialised Sengas.

You don't have to walk miles to seek the counsel of your paternal aunt as long as you can part with the standard fee of Shs10,000. Many of these sengas are often invited to give talks at bridal showers so one doesn't necessarily have to wait for their wedding night to get some tips. As I later found out, the sengas are simply a call away, and as long as you are paying, they can give talks in any form of gathering.

This particular senga could pass for 50 but she was quite energetic. Her dress style was nowhere near the ideal of the traditional senga although it was inspired by the gomesi.

For all her updated looks though, the cultural aspects in her were not watered down. With full demonstration using her fingers and a pen, senga did not mince words.

Her catch phrases focused on the fact that to be a good wife, you have to be a whore in the bedroom, slave in the kitchen and lady in the living room. If you dared to show fright on your face, she would tease you about pretending not to have had sex before.

The trademark topic 'pulling' by which sengas are identified featured high. Her boldness made my tummy cringe as she explained the essence of the elongation. The women looked on in awe as she made the session participatory using demonstrations with a pen and her fingers - of the with and without case scenarios - and asked the ladies to identify which case scenario was pleasure guaranteed. (Ivan, that friction I was talking about featured here in the 'with' scenario)

For the faces that looked green, she promised to do it for whoever wanted, at a fee of Shs5,000 per session but not before reassuring the ladies that at the end of the day, it is up to one to either take her advise or leave it.

But the ladies were still in for more shock when senga went on to show how wives should clean their husbands after making love. Her choice of materials to use caused a stir as the ladies exclaimed, clearly disgusted. She recommended cotton material commonly called Jinja and nappies to wipe husband dearest. "You have got to be kidding," my equally stunned neighbour whispered to me, for in our theory, this would require long preparation and the whole process would just send one to sleep.

But when it came to tips on the recommended sex styles, sounds, love talk and other sex tips, you should have seen how attentive the room was. Senga did not hesitate to stand, bend or get on all fours to give demonstrations. The picture of your mother's age mate doing this would make you shy and yet your inner feelings beckon you to keep both your eyes and ears wide open.

Wise counsel
The interesting thing about these senga talks is that the senga makes you feel like it's an obligation to know these things by going as far as quoting from the Bible how pleasure in marriage is important.

When a Bible verse escaped her lips, for a moment, I thought I had misheard and my lack of fluency in Luganda did not help matters. I recall the mention of verses from Judges, Hebrews 13:4, Acts 22 and Corinthians 13 that hailed the marriage bed, marriage and love. She proved that contrary to the usual assumption, senga talk is not all about sex. But even as she counselled us, whatever she said had a sexual inclination.

She advised on home management, managing finances, politeness (which sounded more like servitude) and seducing one's husband. Basically in her words, one's husband was the president of the home and their first-born child.

Disgust was written on the faces of the new breed of emancipated women as they challenged senga that women also require that same type of love she was telling us a man needs. But all she had to say to this was that it was her duty to educate us but up to us to follow or not.

Nevertheless, all one would conclude was that the bunch of ladies, especially the bride-to-be looked more scared at the bank of tips on making a marriage work. Everyone seemed to be silently wondering if they would be able to practice all that senga had said or at best a bit of it.